WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ACTIVISTS BECOME FILM PRODUCERS!!!

Not sure if you remember my earlier blog about a movie we wanted to make on sex trafficking “Durga”. After searching for a producer for months together, we gave up and finally decided to produce it ourselves. Well I understand only ‘fools’ with no business understanding take the risk of staking their own money to make a movie. I don’t know whether we also fit into that category or not…but so high is our conviction on what we embark to do, that till date for the strangest reason we have absolutely no regrets or fear that we have staked everything that we owned to make this movie. And by the way ‘we’ means I and my wonderful filmmaker husband Rajesh Touchriver.

After the initial search for producer and our consequent decision to produce it ourselves we decided to this film in two languages, Malayalam and Telugu. At this stage somehow the name Durga lost its appeal and we moved on first to ‘Prathyayam’ which means trust and finally “Naa Bangaaru Talli” which means ‘my dearest daughter’ in Telugu and “Ente” which means “mine” in Malayalam. Technically and practically it meant making two films as each scene had to be done twice…malayalam and telugu.

Selecting a cast had its own set of trouble. But finally after a lot of search we found Anjali Shinde Patil( Debut-Delhi in a day) and Siddiq( a well known versatile actor from Kerala) to play the lead roles. For some unknown reasons Siddiq gave us some terrible last-minute jitters by pulling out just 10 days before the shoot and coming back 3 days before the first schedule began. His star tanturms(if that is what you call for being difficult) continued throughout the production but ended strangely on the last day of the shoot. But the worst shock treatment was given by the then chosen cinematographer. A guy known to us very closely, who had seen all the locations with Rajesh Touchriver my co-producer and director.  Just a week before the shoot he sent a mail (otherwise calling Rajesh up a million times a day was so common) stating his inability to be part of the venture quoting some financial crises. In any case this was a huge crises as visual medium like cinema requires a talented cinematographer. Simultaneously the editor backed out with a curt sms. It was as if there was a planned move from some quarter to discourage this project(as all the rejections were coming mostly from Kerala). 

The last week before the shoot started was a nightmare to say the least…but somewhere our guardian angels were watching us. Just three days before the shoot we found Ramanthulasi, a brilliant cinematographer and DonMax our fantastic editor. Truly we were blessed.

We were also blessed with a number of people who were conspiring to make things work for us. My father who gave his pension savings for the film…my friend Lalita Iyer who staked all her fixed deposits for us…my sister-in-law, my brother-in law, my brother…everybody pitching in to ensure that this dream we were chasing will come true.  There were also senior police officers from Andhra Police who gave us all support regarding locations and other logistics. Finally we were good to go! In spite of all obstacles we started on time!

The shoot started…everyday ended with…thank God this day passed well…and a prayer…God ensure tomorrow is as smooth…in spite of all that there were days when things didn’t go as planned…money was lost on locations…for a few days all kinds of film based unions landed on the sets to disrupt the shooting. One day it was ‘you have given work to people without union cards’ or ‘how can you shoot for two films without our permission’ etc…etc. There was also constant trouble with junior artistes. The worst part was I could not even go for the shooting in the first schedule in Hyderabad as many junior artistes would recognize me. The junior artistes especially those involved in prostitution walked out of sets the moment they knew that I was the producer. They had seen me in a different contexts of raids etc…what a irony!!!

The paid technicians did their job to at least to some extent…but friends who were contributing on the technical side freely, were tough ones to handle…a core team mate even managed to leave the location for good when he was most required…Many lessons learnt…one of them being, in future take only technicians on payment otherwise goodwill does not ensure accountability. An unforgettable instance was when Rajesh Touchriver my co-producer and director(and also my better half!) had to become the art director and had to construct the sets by himself. Today we can proudly say that each aspect of the movie has a significant contribution from the producers themselves.

Production completed…post-production began. Editing…dubbing…music…and background score. DonMax our editor and Sasi our associate editor were super.

At that time we had asked Shareeth a leading music director in south to do the background score and the songs. The songs I must say did come out very well, but the background score was pathetic to say the least. By this time all our assistants except for Harsha had already dumped us. Now I cannot blame them…as we were paying them modestly. So it was Rajesh and Harsha sitting through the editing, dubbing…music…re-recording etc. And Rajesh single handedly managing the same in Kerala and Chennai as we could not afford for Harsha or anybody else to assist Rajesh there. Bhaskar another of our assistant based in Chennai atleast was available on call.

With the background score practically killing all our significant characters…we were back to a situation of making difficult choices. No matter what, both Rajesh and I could not come in terms with this…it was then Shantanu Moitra, a dear friend came to our rescue. He agreed to do the background score, free of cost(just charging us the studio rents). The movie got delayed by a month…but by God what a wait…it is worth it! The background score done by Shantanu is superlative to say the least. And the super-best thing(I am not sure such adjectives exists…but it sounds good to me), the final climax number by Shantanu…I promise you none of you who will watch the movie will forget the tune for a long time to come. Shreya Goshal with her haunting melody…will surely stir everybody’s soul. My little sister who heard it last month briefly, still hums it…So everything that happens…happens for good only.

Movie done…and now  the greatest challenge is taking it to the theaters. Search for a distributer started in earnest.  The answers ranged from “this film does not fall in our kind of films” or “please show it in festivals”, nut and bolt of it was we cannot distribute it for you. The irony was most distributers who saw the film had tears in their eyes(I am not sure now whether it was real or whether I imagined all of it!!!) and told us all the right emotional answers. For that moment we were on top of the world…and then there would be a meeting in a day or two where their stand would be completely different.  All of them unanimously felt (I am telling you this after showing it to more than 30 big and small distributers) it was a great family-thriller, the background score was brilliant, the songs were great, the story mind-blowing, and the performance powerful…etc…etc  

So where is the movie falling short? No star cast, no item number, no sex…no violence…all in all no masala. Infact one small time distributer told me “you had so much scope for adding so many things in your film…atleast you could have shown some sex ( the film is a true story of sex trafficking)…or atleast one item number in the form of a bar dance!!!

This is where I am really questioning the activist in me….what do people want… and what actually sells? Was it wrong of me to believe that there is still a collective conscious in the society that will accept with open arms a sensitive film made on sensitive subjective with relatively unknown faces. Or sense & sensibilities sells only when a star is there…so what was the attraction the cause or the star.

To that extent I am also questioning all that I demanded of Rajesh. When Rajesh started the script I repeatedly harped on the same thing, it has to be a family film and the treatment should be in such a way that I can sit with my 6yr old nephew and not flinch. I also wanted situational songs that will enhance the viewing. I was not interested in making a film which is dark and gory and will only run in a festival circuit where the audience consists mostly of ‘converts’ who do not really require this sensitization. What I was really interested is showing to people who need to be sensitized both from the ‘class’ and from the ‘mass’….

In any case, by now frustrations was eating me up…First you stake everything…then you do not find a way a to take it to its logical conclusion, suddenly an alien sensation of helplessness seeps in. It is at this stage I went to attend INK Conference at Pune(incidentally INK is being held tomorrow at Cochin). I am not sure how many of you know INK. It is an abbreviation for Innovation & Knowledge, an extraordinary forum in association with TED. This is the brainchild of two brilliant and dynamic women Lakshmi Pratury & Anu Sethuram. A conference for the best of the minds and hearts to meet. It was its third conference.  I went for it…and then it felt like Gods were conspiring to make way for me. I met Anu Agha and Amit Singhal. These two people after hearing me speak at the conference, came forward to support this film for us to distribute it ourselves. What a miracle!!!

With this support in hand we decided to distribute this film ourselves in Kerala in association with Celebrate International. We had no choice but to tie up with a existing distributer to get access to the theaters etc.  “Ente” was released in Kerala early this year. The response from those who saw the film “it was the most transformative experience”.  Like I had hoped, from school children to very old people…everybody felt comfortable in watching the film and went back holding something… A mother from Kohikode called me and said…”the first thing I did after seeing the film was rush and hug my daughter”

Super critical acclaim everywhere….but sadly a commercial disaster.  Inspite of the fact that everybody proclaimed it one of the best films that they have seen…there was hardly any crowd rolling on top of each other at the ticket counter… Where were the hundreds & thousands who wanted good cinema…and write or speak so eloquently on facebook, social media and all forums. Suddenly it appeared as if everybody just disappeared…

But to my utter amusement all of them reappeared once the movie was removed from the theaters…we had demands and demands to show “Ente” in some university festival or other. When asked why they did not see it when it reached theaters in their towns…there were a lot of sheepish response. To test further, when we said please pay a screening fees…the disappearance act was repeated. 

Suddenly I was wondering whether people think, since she is a activist she has no right to recover her money…only the commercial film producers have a right to recover and make a profit. We will only buy tickets and watch films of the commercial film producer… and ensure he/she does not have a loss. Since she is activist…she can bear a loss!!! 

I also started questioning myself? What do people want?  Is this a denial? Or is it a resistance to change?                        

The release of “Ente” was a bitter-sweet experience with the Malayali crowd…Sweet because of the response of the those who saw it…and bitter because we were not able to reach to the desired level through the theaters. One of the most memorable comments was by Shri Oomen Chandy, the Chief Minister of Kerala, who sat through a film after 25years( I believe the last film he saw was around 25yrs back)…and said ‘this will always remind me on how less we are doing” and declared it “tax free”.

Now back to square 1, since the Malayalam version did not make the mullahs rolling…no takers in Andhra Pradesh for the telugu version “Naa Bangaaru Talli”. Just for the heck of it we send it some festivals…and lo and behold “ Naa Bangaaru Talli” as adjudged the best feature film at Trinity International Film Festival, Detroit.

I am sure such things are happening only so that our morale is boosted…(God has his/her own way to take care of souls like us)…

Searching for a distributer in Andhra Pradesh….simultaneously trying to mobilize around 30 lakhs or 50,000 USD to release it ourselves. Reliance Entertainment although not willing to invest has committed to support us distribute it if we mobilize the money…even here we need the help of a player in the market who can get us the theaters. So looking for fifty thousands and one hundred thousand to finally make it three hundred thousand rupees to take this film to the theaters. Now you will ask why theaters, why can’t you release it online…my only answer is I want the poorest person in the remotest village in Andhra Pradesh to watch this film…I want to reach where the problem begins.

Will I succeed in Andhra Pradesh…time will say…

And by the way…I hope nobody is saying right now after reading all this…who told her to make a movie…she should just do things that she knows…

My answer…”We have only one life Boss!’’

Watch the trailer…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX7trcMttsA&feature=c4-overview&list=UUTy0Qkfy6M7DPnZeh9tRZ4w

I am not sure whether there has been an audio launch on a blog…if not let me be the first. Launching the title song of my film “Naa Bangaaru Talli”

Song (singer- Shreya Goshal, music director- Shantanu Moitra)

http://youtu.be/nk-fXJxYHsw

If you want to share it please feel free to do so… make the song your ringtone…this is your chance to support the cause…can you do it?

Vodafone Users

To Set Caller Tunes SMS Song Name Or Album Name to 57979 or Just Dial 57979

For Mobile Downloads SMS "NBT" to 56060

Also

Available on Nokia Music at http://music.nokia.com/in

SHOULD WE REPORT ON CASES OF SEXUAL OFFENCES?

Recently while addressing a group of fellows of “Teach for India” I faced an interesting question, “when we as individuals are ill equipped to address the issue of sexual offence, should we report at all? Will it end up harming the child more, than helping?”

I was taken aback for a moment, as these are thoughts that are plaguing me for the last few weeks consistently.

A few weeks back I was caught in between a case of child sexual abuse in Gunupur, a small town in Odisha. The father of the child an assistant professor had recently moved to this place. After a lot of scouting the parents had found this school which was well reputed for its educational standards.

For this 3 yr old it was the first day in school. Like any other children, the child went to school in bright spirits. But when the child came home, she was crying and profusely bleeding. Went the mother checked up, the child’s vagina was torn. The parents rushed the child to a private hospital, where the doctor told them that it was a case of sexual assault and the child required a surgical process.

In an interesting manner the matter came to my notice the next day. When I spoke to the parents they did express their willingness to report.  I spoke to Shri Rajesh Pundit, Superintendent Of Police, Raygada, who turned out to be an extremely child friendly person.  The case was booked under POSCO. Then the challenge began, every step of the legal procedure the parents started resisting. Their contention was, that it will re-traumatize the child.

For any legal procedure, apart from the statement of the victim which will then form the First Information Report(FIR), followed by a medical examination in a government hospital and the consequent identification of the accused is more or less mandatory. But the parents who were caring for this little one and were witnessing the various levels of trauma the child was going through, found all this too much to handle.  In spite of the fact that the police was making it as child friendly as possible(most of the time the lady police went in mufti to their house, instead of calling to the police station and tried to make it comfortable for the child), the parents were vocally quite resistant.

I was caught between the police and the parents. Every time the parents would resist, the police would call me and I had to spend long hours counseling the family on the importance and need of that step. The matter became even more complicated, when the medical report revealed penetration of a blunt object (maybe fingers or fist, there is was no smears of sperms which could be taken as an evidence). The parents had already disposed of the child’s blood soaked under-wear out of ignorance. As usual all the alleged accused maintained their stand of innocence.  The only way to make an arrest was identification by the child. An effort was made, by showing pictures of alleged accused on a laptop to the child, with no clear results. Finally the only option left was physical identification. 

The family was in no mood to entertain any such thing. Both the parents were upset, angry and frustrated as the child was now showing signs of fever and was slowly withdrawing herself from others.

After resisting for more than a day finally the family relented and the child was taken for an identification parade. It was done in the most child friendly manner, with the child sitting in a room and through an outlet looking at all alleged accused. In all her innocence, although the child pointed to one person conclusively as the “bad man”, she also pointed out casually at three more persons.  Arrest was made of the one person, who till date denies having done that in spite of rigorous questioning of the police.  The fact remains however that the child was sexually assaulted.

Was it a worthwhile effort to subject the child through all this? After a few days of traumatic churning I have come to the conclusion “yes it was”.  Firstly from a child’s perspective, in a few years from now when the child remembers this traumatic episode, apart from the abuse, she will also remember how her parents stood by her, encouraging her to stand up against any violation and mostly that she did not do any “wrong” but she was wronged. This is a precious understanding very few victims all over the world have the privilege to experience, for in their silence they not only carry the shame but also a repeated reinforced message of being guilty of the crime committed on them.

Further her images of the police will not be that which evokes fear but that of support and safety. More than anything, she will grow up with the security of being heard and trusted.

From a social perspective, I am not sure who was the real culprit or whether the real culprit was actually caught, but whoever is the real culprit he will know people are not going to keep quite. The message is not only going to culprit in this case, but also to sex offenders living in that area and all potential offenders.  If everyone breaks their silence on this issue…and enforcement mechanism plays a proactive role in dealing with such cases with sensitivity and care, what we are creating is a great wall of deterrence.  Maybe there are temporary inconveniences for the victim, but it is worth it, as it will help the person look back at her fight against such violation with pride and view herself as a person of courage.

                         

WHY WE FAIL?

From Dec 16th 2012, after the Delhi gang rape case that shook the conscience of the country, I have been very deeply disturbed. As much for the sexual violence that is happening but more for the repeated reiteration of the hypocrisy prevalent among us. As the nation shook…and the international media had a hay day, all and sundry were compelled to act. Corporate offices had special seminars on women’s safety…schools/colleges lead candle lights…billions danced for safety…awards were given dime to dozen for all Tom, Dick & Harry who could spell sexual assault correctly and were capable of speaking at a stretch for 30 minutes on this issue!!!

All this was happening in a way that it was highlighted adequately in the media…so practically the nation was eating, sleeping and breathing sexual assault. Not even a month had passed three sisters all between 6-11yrs went missing in Maharashtra. The police refused to file a missing case…and very condescendingly told the family to search( as if they had not already!)….no family will rush to police without doing their own enquiry. Three days later, the decomposed bodies of these three children was found in a nearby pond.

 The Madhya Pradesh Police were even more creative, they went ahead and kept a 5 yr old rape victim in the lock up!!!

Delhi Police inspite of all the attention they were getting were still not ready to wake up. A 5 yr old was abducted…imprisoned in the third floor of the same building that the parents stayed. The police refused to file the missing complaint. On the third day when the same police rose from their slumber they were able to trace the child…gang raped… sadistically violated in the same building.

To me what was interesting was, when the first Delhi gang rape case was reported, Chief Minister of Delhi announced a cash compensation of 10 lakhs and the Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister 15 lakhs. 

Somehow none of the other cases received any offer of any compensation!!!

Just two months back, I was dealing with the rape of a 5 yr old. The Child Welfare Committee was handing this child to me for further care. What was shocking to me, all the stakeholders involved Dept of Women & Child, CWC were talking of the rape case and its details, but not a single one was interested in getting a case booked. The villagers had handed over the raped orphan child to the local anganwadi and they just handed to their superior officers!

So what is the great impact of all this visibility…and such extraordinary media attention either on the general public or the state or the stakeholders such as police or dept of women & child. Is our basic attitude and perception changing because of this attention? Are victims getting the care and compensation they deserve as a matter of right.

Do any of the following happen:
-Police book the case as their basic duty…without any pressure from the media or public
-Dept of Women & Child or the relevant departments provide compensation as their non-negotiable departmental mandate.
-Victim have access to support in a dignified environment.
-Government evolves victim friendly policies as a matter of primary duty…not because it is nearing election time.
-Public react…no matter what…as they believe this will not be tolerated.

Finally the fundamental question is ARE WE WILLING TO ACT TO MAKE THIS SOCIETY FREE OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE? Not because media is making a lot of noise…not because it is in fashion these days…not because something pricks you momentarily….but because we believe no child…no woman…no human being deserves to be violated.

MARCH 8TH… A FASHIONABLE STATEMENT!

For the last few days I am receiving hundreds of calls/mails requesting my gracious presence for International Women’s Day. There is a sudden radical spurt in activities in organizing women’s programs. And of course ‘so called’ inspirational women like me are in great demand. Some of the calls came through this morning ie 7th March….and I was wondering whether I was part of a back up plan, inspiration1-not available….Insp2-not available….Insp3- Not available….so okay lets try Insp10!!! What is Women’s Day for all these people? Is it a day when we remember lost souls…or a day to honor so called women leaders…or a day to remind us all about gender-related crimes/violence…or day to look back on how we have progressed…or a day to acknowledge women are still part of humanity..or a day to organize an event. Having done that for one day…for the next 365 days you can forget half the humanity…continue the violence…the discrimination…the violations….and marginalization in our minds and souls. Across the world, year after year International Women’s Day is CELEBRATED!...and across the world young ones as young as 3yrs old are raped and sold…interestingly year after year the numbers are only increasing….Two days back a little one who was sleeping with her mother on the footpath in Kerala, was dragged away…raped and thrown….on valentine’s day when one billion people rose to protest sexual violence….three little ones…all sisters 6yr, 8yrs and 11yrs were raped and murdered in Bhandara, Maharshtra…during the same time a 7yr old was raped in Municipal School in the national Capital New Delhi. In many African countries, rape is used as a weapon of war…in many others genital mutilation is followed…young activist are gunned at close range for they chose to speak for girl child education…every country in the world can boast about the increasing gender-based violence in their communities… I wonder where is the change? Can things change because of events/TV shows or programs on a particular day? Can things change because we went and lit a candle? Can things change because we acknowledged a powerful woman? Can things change because we participated in a public event? To me “NO”…nothing can change for women and children till it is symbolic gesture…nothing can change if we consider it as women’s rights…nothing can change till our basic attitude and perception does not undergo sea change. It is gives me great amusement whenever there is a national uproar about sexual violence, I get thousands of mails/calls asking “what can I do”? That is the attitude I am talking about…so long as you think it happens to them and not us…you will keep asking what to do? The day each one of us realize that this can happen to anyone including us…or to somebody dear to us, then each one of us will know what to do… I feel this question is asked so that one can actually avoid doing anything and yet not feel guilty(you will keep quite till somebody tells/guides you on what to do, will that be the same attitude if somebody dear to you is violated). If one wants to respond…there is no need for anybody’s guidance… For me until and unless women’s right’s is not accepted as basic human rights nothing can change. And then the fight is not just for a few women to come together…but for every person who is human. It is not about a few hundred women coming together on Women’s Day(while all the men go about doing their work!!!). The fight is not just for a day…but it for 365 days till these basic human rights are realized. The fight is not about women…it also about men…how can half the humanity survive if the other half is mutilated and violated. Tomorrow as we observe Women’s Day…I hope we will remember people like Irom Sharmila who are consistently fighting without a break for the last 4380 days(12yrs)….and all the activists fighting a spectrum of issues across the world for whom every day is a day to fight for human rights...thanking them for their perseverance…thanking them for having faith in change.

THE PAIN…THE ANGER…THE OUTRAGE CONTINUES

Yesterday was a bizarre day for me…practically every national and regional channel wanted to speak to this “brave rape survivor” who is now an activist. Everybody wanted an opinion about what I felt about the Delhi gang rape… Why this national outrage? Is it because it happened in the national capital “Delhi” or it happened in a bus or because it happened to an educated middle class girl! I was in Kerala the last few days for the promotion of my movie “Ente” on sex trafficking and in a brief period of 6 days there were already 12 major rape cases reported including a child of 5yrs. Why no outrage? Is it that if you need complete attention on a particular issue , you have to be in the right place…at the right time…with the right persons. I am not sure what pushes people to revolt from across the country…when sexual violence is being reported everyday in every city…every town. Violation is a violation wherever it happens. My frustration was also on the sudden great interest in all the rape survivors…lets hound them…Did anybody make a single attempt to hound all the reported rapists in the country? Asking them why do they do this? What is this unquenchable libido of a man that needs to be satisfied with violence and coercion. And if all these are sick men then why are we not fighting tooth and nail to get them treated. Why the great slogan for a “death sentence”…so that more and more “sick men” can live on the tax-payers money as state guests. For even if he is awarded the death sentence…after appeal to the High Court…then to the Supreme Court…and then with mercy petition to President Of India he enjoys a relatively hassle free life in the central jail after conviction for many years!!! Is this the so-called deterrence that we are fighting for. Today what we need is outrage at every local level for every case that is reported, making the lives of the perpetrators so miserable that they cannot walk in any public place without fear or shame. By focusing on the victims we are cornering them to “prying visibility” forcing them to hide their faces or run away with shame. Today was another day of pain and frustration. Another girl in my shelter died of AIDS. As a matter of coincidence the death happened in my shelter and not in a hospital. By default it became a medico-legal case. Since the girl was handed to us by the court, the police in their holier than thou tone wanted the post-mortem to be done in-spite of the doctors stating no such thing is done on HIV positive persons. Once again there is media all around us with the brokers, traffickers and the parents of the girl. This time around whether I killed the girl…whether there was abuse in the home…why she died in the home…and what not…Interestingly all of them including the family disappeared as soon as the doctors declared it was a AIDS death. The outrage that we exhibit when a girl is gang-raped is not to be seen for the millions of women and children who are raped everyday for years in all the brothels across in the country. We conveniently close our eyes regarding that by calling it “sex work”…sadly even the Apex Court seems to be in the same vicious trap. We do not see the irreversible damage…we do not see the depths of pain and trauma which forces a person to normalize an existence of exploitation, choosing to live in hell rather face the continues social exclusion and marginalization. We see it only when media takes it as a issue!!! Then across the country there is protests…candle light vigils… Victims of sexual violence anywhere, in any part of the world require our compassion, care and a space for healing My fear is whether all this outrage will pass of…not just for the media but for all us when the next story comes in... I am suitably amused by the number of comments on the facebook, tweets etc on how everybody is feeling guilty and ashamed. The time is not for guilt and shame…the time is for action. Can we all join hands to form the largest movement of real men that will engage with men to sensitize…transform…reform…treat…so that they do not turn as perpetrators of crime. It could be as an eve teaser…molester…abuser…rapist. Can we engage with men so that do not become ‘buyers of sex’…because as buyers they rape… for the girl who is being bought for sex has absolutely no bargaining power on the needs of the man who is buying her. Is this such a tough proposition… we do not need to go searching for men…they are all around us…our fathers, brothers, boyfriends,husbands,uncles…We can start now within our own families

A life lost...a painful tribute

When I think of Shaheda, I remember a bright and bubbly child who would run and hug me close. She was 9 yrs old when her maternal uncle sold her. The mother who was also into prostitution was a mute spectator. We got the information a tad too late, but we rushed and rescued her. On a precaution we also rescued her younger sister Sahera as we thought she could be the next target.Out of fear that we may book a case if they protested the mother and uncle kept quite. In those days we were not too particular about booking a case mostly because we did not work closely with police then and felt it was just enough that we saved the children. Also our main informers were women in prostitution and they were not at all comfortable giving any information to the police.

What was very striking about Shaheda was her extraordinary resilience, the moment she reached the safety of our shelter she was a new person. Her own efforts to overcome her pain and trauma was for me a great inspiration. I do not remember spending too much time counseling her apart from the first three or four sessions. Then she became a role model for all other victimized children. Her interest to excel in all activities both curricular and extra-curricular made her a high achiever. In the meantime we saw change in the mother who slowly gave up prostitution and started a new life. For 7 yrs Shaheda lived in our shelter. After she finished her X std I asked her whether she wanted to go back to her mother. Shaheda and Sahera both felt the need to go back to their mother. We let them go with a undertaking from the mother that she will ensure that the children's education will not be discontinued. In the first two years we regularly monitored their welfare. After that we lost touch.

Yesterday evening I got a call that Shaheda died. I was numbed to silence. The worst was to know that she was dumped before a dargah and that is where she breathed her last, day before yesterday night. Shahida was positive due to the sexual violation she was subjected to, but throughout the 7yrs that she was with us she was like any normal child. 3 yrs after she left our shelter slowly opportunistic infections crept in. The mother refused to take her to a hospital fearing social repercussion, instead took her to one dargah after another. Finally three weeks back when matter worsened she just dumped the girl before a dargah and left. My little Shaheda was just 19 yrs old...she was lying before a dargah as a destitute, seeking alms...can there be a more painful and inhuman death?

Today I am filled with guilt and pain. Was I right in sending this child back to her mother? Should I have taken care knowing her HIV status. They say institutional care is the last option and community based care should be the first option. But if the communities around us are no more safe for our children where do we send them? Should I have created a longer follow up plan...if so for how long should we have followed up? As civil society organizations do we have the wherewithal to sustain long term follow up plans...I kept asking the mother why she did not abandon the child with me, I could have taken care?
As I struggle with all these questions...Shahida's face haunts me...did she deserve such a death?

My Swedish experience...

It was always a dream of mine to visit Sweden. Many reasons of course, a minor one being a nobel prize (not yet sure in which category, when in middle school it was maths, in high school chemistry…in college environment…now it is between peace and literature!!!). Well fantasy apart the anti demand legislation was my greatest attraction. The Swedish model to address sex buyers is one of its own kind in the world and I wanted to understand it firsthand. So when Bonnier Media University invited me for GRID 2011, I was on top of the world. Finally I was going to Stockholm.
For those of you who have never heard of GRID, this is an annual meet for a selected group of Bonnier employees worldwide. The conference brings also handpicked speakers from diverse fields to make a TED like (18mins) presentation. This time I was one of the 12 speakers.
Sweden is a beautiful place and for the most unknown reason I instantly felt very comfortable( there are many countries I feel not so very comfortable too).
But the greatest highlight of my visit was to meet senior police officers to understand the anti demand legislation. Meeting officer Kajza and Officer Simon was an eye opener of a different kind. In Sweden the legislation has criminalized buying sex. Any man or woman who buys sex is arrested and prosecuted. The officers are trained for intensive surveillance. It becomes very important to catch the buyer in the act itself so that the officer can be a witness also in the court and there is no scope for acquittal.
In Sweden there is prostitution and sex trafficking. Most girls trafficked to Sweden are from Baltic countries. In most sex trafficking cases the victim girls are also witnesses and are provided safe shelter through the Social Service Department. What is incredible is that in a year’s time the cases are completed. The compensation is a sizeable amount and ensures that victim can be reintegrated back to society comfortably. The prostitution cases of course has mostly the officers as the witness.
The specialized prostitution unit has dedicated officers who have extraordinary commitment. It was very interesting to note that Officers worked with a lot of autonomy and freedom. Once appointed in a particular unit there was absolutely no transfer until the officer himself or herself does not request for it.No officer was transferred for taking up controversial cases. In fact a minister and prominent business-man were also arrested. In India this would have definitely ended with the officer transferred to some remote area…Timbuctoo etc!
What struck me is the political and public will to address the problem. In ten years since the legislation has come into existence street prostitution has reduced by 70% and sex trafficking by 50%. It was very impressive.
Of course I had a lot of concerns. What happens to the women/girls after the buyers are arrested? I strongly felt just addressing the demand is an incomplete solution. Providing support to women/girls for a safe exit from prostitution as a supply-focused intervention was as important as addressing demand. Maybe in the form of protection services and economic opportunities.
For all of we know the woman/girl may shift to Belgium or Germany to prostitute as she does not find buyers here. If just addressing demand can get such great results just imagine if both ends are addressed what a fool proof impact it will have.
It was truly an enriching experience to learn this model. I wonder how much we can replicate this in India with all the vested interests and poor political will.
The rest of the trip was filled with meeting some very beautiful people. I am not sure how much I gave in GRID but I definitely know that I gained a lot. Renewed energy…better focus and some new direction…

DEMONS IN GODS OWN COUNTRY

“That man put his thing from where urine comes into my mouth…when I vomited he slapped me and then he pushed it from my back…and then I started bleeding…in pain when I started crying he tied me with a electric wire and banged my head…and then I got scared that he will put that thing again in my mouth and kill me…so I did not cry out loudly…”
These were the words of a 7yr old sex trafficked victim whom I met in Kerala. I listened to this with pain and dread. For some unknown reason the child had developed a fancy for me and was disclosing to me everything in her baby voice which till date she has not even told the police.
I met many other children all below the age of 14yrs trafficked for commercial sexual exploitation and rescued. What was common in all their stories was a father who raped at the age of 4yrs or a brother who molested or an uncle who forced to have oral sex. Incest and dysfunctional families was the common background all these children came from. These children had no scope to escape as they had no information or access to any other support system beside their own families.
What happens when the most safe space for a child becomes a zone of fear, threat and suffocation? What happens when deepest bonds of faith and trust is misused and exploited? Where should this child go?
One of the child I met told me that her parents had left her with her maternal parents from the time she was born. Most of her childhood was an eternal wait…for her parent’s occasional visit. She always believed that if her parents took her back she will also be like any normal child. Finally when she was 12yrs old her parents took her back. The first year of stay with her parents was sheer nightmare as the father would beat up the mother and daughter to vent out his anger and frustration( he was jobless). The next year saw another side of the father…a man so affectionate and loving that the child forgot and forgave all the torture. Little did she realize that he was bartering her to highest bidder. With silent connivance of the mother(who was only concerned about her own safety and security), the father sold his own daughter for prostitution. The worst part of the story he was the pimp and stood outside the room every time the daughter was send with a customer.
Where does a child who is in this kind of a situation go? The family is unsafe…no relatives or friends would like to take responsibility…and the civil society or the state have no system of protection services that is accessible.
A glance around me…revealed civil society organizations gearing up to organize protest march…conventions and generally making a lot of visibility in the media…the state trying to find the accused…the opposition trying to find fault with everything that the state is doing…But NOT even a single person were thinking what do these children need?
Interactions with the general public was even more scary…most of them were convinced that the 7yr old, 10 yr old and the 14yr old were all immoral persons with loose character and were just making up all these stories to gain attention.
It is such a irony when a person in prostitution Nalini Jameela wrote her story…the world had only eyes and ears for her…chat shows…column after column were written…so much so that the world was glorifying her life in commercial sexual exploitation…but today when these children’s stories are part of everyday news…nobody is thinking how can we prevent this? How can we protect these children?
I have been asked a million times “will you start a branch in Kerala”…my question is do I have to? Can you not be that person who can also reach out…is it not our collective responsibility make this world safe of our children!

INVOLVING MEN TO BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION

I am a blessed person as I have the honor of meeting the worst to the best men in my personal and professional life.

Rescuing thousands of women and children from sexual slavery, I have heard millions of stories of brutality of men. Buying sex from a anonymous person gives so much of freedom and guts to do whatever your sadist minds can fantasize. From pouring chilli powder into the vagina, burning with cigarettes, cigars to tying to a bedpost and whipping anything and everything is possible in paid sex. I always thought in a marriage or in a love relationship a lot of restrain is exercised. Today that too is shaking. The whole of this week I was dealing with a case of "date rape", the young man raped the girl so brutally that her vagina was completely torn(needed stitches to patch it) and she was bleeding profusely. In my own personal life being gang raped by eight men had its own nightmarish impact on my body if not my soul.

On the other hand I have also met the best of the best men on the planet. Starting with my father who was my strength throughout my childhood and as a young adult. He encouraged me to follow my heart never imposing any personal dreams as expectation in spite of the fact that I was his favorite child and had all the qualities to make his dreams come true. In my early twenties I met my mentor and friend Bro Jose who was instrumental in guiding me to establish the proactive intervention 'Prajwala'. Bro Jose was an example to all the victims we rescued that all men are not abusers. And then I met Rajesh my soul mate and husband. A secure man whose greatest happiness is the growth of his wife. Words are inadequate to explain the extraordinary role Rajesh is playing in strengthening my activism and my interventions. One day when I was fed up with the non stop threatening calls I was getting I asked Raj 'if I am killed by these people what will you do?' The answer I got " It will be an honor for me if you are killed while rescuing a child"

After seeing and understanding the best and the worst I am more and more realizing that there is a need to bring all the best together and create a counter movement to reduce or better still eradicate the worst.
My faith was further reinforced and got a new direction with an incident that happened in my recent US trip. After my presentation to a group 200 Indians and Americans I found one gentleman giving me strange stares. After all the participants left I found this man still sitting there. And then reluctantly he came to where I stood. Automatically I stretched my hand for a shake hand and a thank you at the tip of my tongue( that is what I was doing for the better part of one hour). The man held my hand and broke down...I was bewildered and confused.And then softly he said "I have raped a lot children...I went to Combodia and Srilanka for them" I was numbed, no words would come out...how does one react to such a statement. In silence I held his hand...and slowly I told him to seek help. For four days I tossed and turned, my sleep lost with this strange incident. For years I had held only anger and bitterness against all perpetrators and now I have one who is seeking my energy to heal him, what does one do? And then he sent a mail sharing with me how his father started sexually abusing him from the age of 4yrs and how by the time he was 7yrs he started enjoying the abuse and by the age of 15yrs became a powerful person in the household of eight as he was his father's pet. In his adult life he wanted to recreate the same pleasure and that is how he started abusing little kids. His obsession took him to Combodia and to Srilanka where he bought little boys for sex.

This incident transformed me forever, for the first time I realized that maybe working with perpetrators is also a tool for prevention.

On 28th March 2011 we launched Men Against Demand(M.A.D) and today I am hoping that even perpetrators can be sensitized and inspired to join the movement.
For all the wonderful men reading my blog please pledge your support for the movement by signing http://www.facebook.com/pages/Men-Against-Demand/157785290948568, We need your support to fight this battle and more to come.

Prajwala on Facebook

As an organization, we want to thank those of you who have begun the discussion about Prajwala and the flesh trade on facebook. We appreciate your continued efforts as they truly make a difference.

To enhance your current efforts, please also "like" the official Prajwala fanpage on facebook found here.

Our dream is that the fan page will be a platform to hold discussions, share ideas, provide updates, and connect thousands of anti-trafficking crusaders from around the world.

Please join us and thank you for your support.

Financial Sustainability for organizations like mine-Is it possible?

One thing that has not changed in the last two decades of my mission is my "begging bowl". Way back in 1995 I used go around begging for a few thousands to run my small initiative. Insults, humiliations and rejection were more during those days. I remember once going to a rich businessman who was highly titillated by my mission,kept asking me hundred questions on what customers do to children, gave me a cup of tea and then took out his wallet searched among the 500 and 100 rupee notes, took out a Rs 50 note and gave it to me,and said very solemnly "this is my contribution for your cause, my company does not have a policy right now but if there is one I will surely make a larger contribution"!
In another instance a leading automobile showroom located at Basheerbagh,Hyderabad promised me Rs 10,000/ after making me run around for over a fortnight and then insisted that I sign on a receipt for Rs 40,000/ to actually get Rs 10,000/. Arrogant as I was then( still remain the same) I refused the donation and came back and promptly lost two well wishers who had made the connections.

Today of course the situation has changed I am not running for thousands but for millions. Rarely do I meet people who can rip me apart with their insensitivity, rarely do I have nightmares fearing how am I going to feed my children in my shelter...even more rarely do I break down overwhelmed with frustration "how long should I prove my credibility...how much do I need to damage myself so that the world understands that I am doing all this genuinely"...

But has my begging for support changed? Not at all? It is sometimes even worse than my earlier days. People think that I am extravagant to aim for a safe space for children. Donors, international agencies, supporters have a myriad reasons for cutting off support...it can range from recession to "your cause does not catch my fancy", or better still this cause is now no more our thrust area!!!.

That I continue do what I am doing is considered a demonstration of arrogance rather than commitment. I even had a well wisher telling me if you cannot look after these children, hand them over to the government! All because I went begging for support to construct our buildings.

And finally the million dollar question most donor agency ask" how is your organization going to become sustainable" we cannot be funding you eternally...

True so what should I be doing? Should I make my initiative a profit making unit charging huge interests for the services I am providing like what the Micro Finance Institutions like SKC are doing? Whom should I charge every time I risk my life and my team's to rescue victims? Whom should I charge for taking care of hundreds of child victims of trafficking? Whom should I bill for economically empowering thousands of young survivors of trafficking? Whom should I ask to pay for all the cremations/funerals I have to give to ensure a dignified exit from this world for my children( incidently not a single donor/supporter is willing to donate for a cremation)?

Or should I temporarily forget my main mission and become a actress, or a spiritual leader a mata"something" or maybe a sadhvi"something", or a celebrity chef...(I cannot go further as my talents are limited). It appears a large group of people are willing to donate to one of these more generously...

Today as I am surrounded by multiple financial crises- donor for our children's shelter phasing out, our second generation prevention program donor phasing out, our rescue efforts-no donors at all and biggest of all our construction of shelters which has over-shot the budget by 2 crores as the cost of building construction material( sand,cement,steel etc) has shot up by 250%... I am seriously thinking how does anybody expect us to become financially sustainable.Especially in a context when we are not even sustainable in terms of human resources!!!

It continues to be a great challenge to get people to work with us full time.For ages we are looking for somebody who can do our documentation for donor compliances ( believe me it is not possible to sit far away and do it as it requires a lot more of understanding of the pulse of the work )...or exclusively work on fund raising...or look after the advocacy...or work on marketing... Every time there is a physical attack on the organization the first persons to leave are the 'professionals', most cannot handle the pressure...including the pressure related to working with a person like me.

But I am sure there must be something logical and sensible in this expectation of 'sustainability'...just figuring out how to do it in a world which is slowly shrinking in terms of 'giving'...cutting down and downsizing is for humanitarian work( you will understand what I am saying if you see the budgets allocated for social sector)...but financial investments for war...ammunition...terrorism...marriages...scams(2G, CWG, IPL)...even auctioning for cricketers continues to grow with electrifying speed...

And fools like me continue to beg for constructing a safe shelter for victimized human beings...

WHAT DO I WANT? FAME,POWER,POSITION...

Am I selfless?
This is a question that has haunted me for years.
When I was a child and when I was taunted by many for my small size...they called me kulla kathiraka (short brinjal), penguin and many other names I now do not recall...it definitely became refined in college...they called me KULZ(shorty), I used to think 'wait till I become something' I will...(not exactly sure what I would teach them or prove to them).
Later in life when I waited for hours on end to meet a District Collector( also the District Magistrate) or was repeatedly humiliated by officials for the work I was doing, I still remember this senior police officer whose orderly ordered me to remove my footwear to enter the office and when I actually met the holy officer he would not even look at my face, the whole appointment lasted 2mins ( I had taken the appointment 1 week in advance)...in those times my chaotic mind churned with such negativity would respond...wait till I become the prime minister of India (of course in these cases I knew 100% what I will do...transfer the officer to the dark dungeon corners of the world!!!) or when I have to walk in a crowd and I am scared to get crushed...I think wait till I get the Nobel Prize and Oscars( this is my lifelong fantasy...not sure how I will ever reach there...but in my fantasy I even have my speech ready)...and right now when I am crawling on my knees meeting hordes of officers just to get a piece of land to relocate my economic rehabilitation unit(my landlord Mr Baburvahan Reddy wants us to vacate immediately, none of my pleas appealing for support for our work has any effect on him...last year he did that about our shelters and we were forced to buy land 60 km outside Hyderabad and start construction...in two months time we will shift the shelters...he on the other hand is doubling the rent even for temporary respite... I am not sure why I do not meet any of those generous philanthropist who donate their land for good causes) and each one of the officers I meet tell me how it is not possible to get a land in and around Hyderabad...and I am still going offices to offices hoping a miracle will happen and I may get 2 acres of land in Hyderabad or close to it... and then I read in the newspaper that all the corporates and industries in the world are being given land in and around Hyderabad with overwhelming generosity by the Government of Andhra Pradesh...I grind my teeth and I think....wait till I...
Is this not craving for power, position and fame? Why do I till date continue to have such thoughts...especially when the world is hostile...not supportive...creating obstacles in everything I do... am I truly working on my mission without expecting any gains. Just because I do not crave for any monetary gains( I have never taken a salary) does that necessarily mean I do not crave for other things like fame and recognition. What do I want?
I know my churning will continue...the only thing I am sure as of today is my cravings are stronger and deeper especially when I am in deep crises...with hostility at every end...provoking me...questioning my mission...making me feel voiceless for my children...my girls...

One Year After TED

Cannot imagine that one year has gone by, last year during the same time I was attending the TED conference. A conference I went with heavy heart and came back as a elated soul. I remember my first day at TED I was overwhelmed and intimidated. Among all these innovators,scientists, entrepreneurs,performers where do I stand as a activist. I have neither humor to make people laugh nor innovation that can make people look at me with awe. My first evening reception was a disaster to say the least. Within me I felt so insignificant in a world of creativity and power.
And then my world changed after I spoke, I felt so much loved and cherished. The next two days were bliss and it was as if the Gods were conspiring to make me feel included,cherished and honored. Years of pain and exclusion just washed away. Support poured in, miracles happened. Problems which were gnawing me suddenly became easily manageable.Issues like eviction became less threatening as support poured in for construction. Google donated 1 million dollars for the construction( it reduced my struggles by 80%).
I became techno literate( started my blog, facebook etc...). Post TED my world did change for good...today support networks are more,there are people interested to know about our trails and tribulations and most importantly the silence around the cause of sex trafficking is systematically breaking. There are at least 6 facebook communities( the ones I know) who are talking on sex trafficking.
But this year has also been a year of challenges. Challenges that threatened the very root of the organization. You cannot have it all....
-For many years the organization has been seriously looking for an ideal person to lead the Economic Rehabilitation Program(ERP). The look out was for a person with sound business ideas and also sensitivity to understand the special needs of trafficked survivors. This ambitious expectation, took as to many fora to identify the right person. Efforts were also put in through newspaper advertisements etc. A lot of money was spent in this search. After two years of search a ray of hope was seen when miraculously we found two persons( a dear friend put our requirement on Dev Net and that started the ball rolling), one with a management expertise and the other with marketing skills. The expert in management was made the Coordinator of ERP.
As the leader of the team I, for once was relieved to hand over a lot of my responsibilities to another person especially related to business and marketing. For more than a month and a half we lived in euphoria as brilliant ideas to promote the business was tossed around and there was generally an air of great happening. Till one day when I met a customer who owed us some payment. As usual when I asked him when he was going to pay up he was shocked and informed me that he had already paid at least a month back. Immediately I called up our accounts section to find out why this customer appeared in the recovery list. And they informed me that the money has never reached them and they were constantly following up with the Coordinator, who had promised them that the money will recovered at the earliest. Immediate probe into the matter revealed that the Coordinator in collaboration with the Marketing Executive had already collected payments in cash at least a month earlier. Due to early detection we were able to prevent large-scale misappropriation of funds. Both the coordinator and marketing executive were dismissed from services and the funds misappropriated were recovered. I was forced to hold additional charges of looking after the enterprise.
-As this crises was happening in ERP, the second generation prevention program which had started an economic rehabilitation unit for prostituted women (who were also mothers of children studying in the transition centers) faced severe resistance from the brothel keepers and brokers/pimps. One of the transition centers was vandalized. Tube lights, fans, flower pots were damaged. Property worth Rs 40,000/ (approx. 900$) was destroyed. A police case was lodged.
-In the shelters, two shocking events happened. The biggest escapade of 10 victims from a ventilator on a rainy day was extremely depressing. As this was the first time such an event had happened in the shelter. The profile of the victims escaped revealed that all were witnesses in different cases. Only three of them did not appear to be connected to any case. One of three abandoned her 6 months baby and ran away. With a heavy heart we had to hand over the child to the court who handed the baby to the Government Orphanage. This happened in the month of September. Through reliable sources we also came to understand that there were traffickers posing as victims in the shelter whose main goal was to make all the victims who were witnesses hostile through intimidation. Unfortunately we could not spot the traffickers(we have a over crowded shelter right now). But what we were able to do was to strengthen the security measures internally. Slowly all loopholes were plugged. Maybe it was the realization of futility of efforts that the traffickers felt frustrated which forced them to go on a rampage within the shelter. TV, Fridge, tube-lights, sound system, CD Player, tables & chairs were destroyed. Three staff and three resident victims were injured in this act of aggression. Utter chaos prevailed for more than an hour, until staff from all units rushed and controlled the situation. The silver lining, we were able to spot all the 10 infiltrators. They were handed over to the police. The damage other than property( 2 lacs , approx. 4250 $) was the morale of the staff which heavily came down. Three senior staff from other interventions who witnessed the episode resigned. Interestingly those who were hurt have become more committed to the cause. Now there is acute staff shortage in the organization and my own movements (travelling outside Hyderabad) has been cut down considerably as only physical presence is boosting the morale of my team.
-During the same period the security of the head office was put under tremendous risk when the organization got involved in two high profile cases in September. One case in which an inspector of police raped a 14 yr old girl. I was personally involved in not only booking the case but also providing safe shelter to the child victim. Consequently there was constant drama in the office premises with media having a hay day. In another case three girls were rescued from a reputed spa which was a front for prostitution. In the second case the office was filled with claimants & lawyers demanding access to the victims. Threatening and intimidating calls from very powerful people also poured in.
-Outside Hyderabad, at the construction end, where we are building our new shelters it was a shocking news when the newspaper reported that the cost of the construction material has increased by 200%. As per the new prices we need another 400,000$ to complete the construction. In a context when we have to vacate the existing rented premises by Dec 31st 2010 it is a huge challenge to raise this this kind of funds in just two months.
-And finally the king of all crises, last year we faced trouble with an official working in the income tax department after we refused to give her bribe. The lady in question a Jt. Commisioner of income tax promptly passed an order that we are a commercial profit-making institution and that we had to immediately pay tax to the tune of 45lacs (approx. 100000 $) to the department. We fought the case and we won and I thought it was over for good. Short lived was my relief as the department has now challenged the order in the tribunal( highest court for the income tax cases).
And my saga continues... a year after TED what do I feel?
Miracles give you renewed energy but life goes on and bigger battles await you at every corner.