It
is the first time in my adult life that I have had 12 days of reflection before
my birthday!
On 7th
May,2017 I had a near collapse at Kolkatta Airport while on my way to
Bhubneshwar to address a gathering which my good friend Sujit Mahapatra(Bakul
Foundation) had organized. After some dramatic moments including an ambulance
at Hyderabad Airport to take me to Apollo Hospital, I was operated on 8th
May. A nice looking…practically oval shaped 35mm stone was lodged in my gall
bladder. The surgeon Dr Sainath did a great job…I have the stone as a memento
in my study! After 4 days of hospital stay, I decided I will stay in my ashram,
for multiple reasons, one of them being, to be near my work place as much as
possible.
The
last 12days were days of reflection. Have I been fair to myself and my body?
Were the decisions and choices I made in my life the right ones? Do I need to have a separate lens for times
when I might be helpless and need assistance?
Being
a fulltime volunteer for the last two decades, was never a regretful choice…it
was difficult at times but since my personal needs are so few…it never really
acted as a big hurdle. My occasional consultancies, speaking engagements, part
of my awards was more than enough to sustain my life. After I got married to
Raj in 2006, it was even more easier as he took care of the food & shelter
and clothing was always my younger sister’s domain.
But
this time when Raj had to pay my hospital bills…I for the first time realized I
do not even have a medical insurance. Something that I have ensured for all my
girls, I personally do not have it. My physician Dr Rajib Paul tells me that
this stone has grown this size in the last 3years…I did not even have a whiff
of it…occasional abdominal pains were always about indigestion and gas which
was best sorted with a home remedy of eating raw ginger with lemon…
Why
is it that I became deaf to the call of my own body…while I am so tuned to the call of pain anywhere
else outside. I am blessed that my
wonderful partner, my team and all my girls looked after me so well in the last
few days…but is there something that I need to learn for myself now?
I am
45 today…I am not growing young…each moment, each day, each year adds urgency
to my mission…long way to go before I accomplish what I was sent to do in this
world. I cannot afford to collapse
physically before my tasks are completed….I need to find a way to nurture and
care for this vehicle…which will take me closer to my destination.
My
lens as I view myself today is slowly
modifying…I want to service and maintain this vehicle on a moment to moment
basis so that it is in super condition as we travel this long journey….I also
want to nurture and cherish each one in my journey so that some day, someone
among them will continue this mission, when I will no longer be able to travel…
Life
so far….has been beautiful and blessed….each moment nourishing me…creating
opportunities for learning & growing…and most importantly giving me the
vision to see and experience ‘God’ at every step. Each one of you out there is part of my God
experience.
As I
celebrate my life today…I thank each one of you for being part of my journey in
some way or other…
